textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
