Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
