Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
