So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
