So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
