I hate all girls vehemently.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
