just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
