I wish I could teleport
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
