Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I have tasted many bathrooms
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
