Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
