if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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