We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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