R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
