After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
