so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
