Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
