I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
