she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
