All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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