i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
