Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
