this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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