i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
