never play flip cup with pint glasses
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
