because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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