OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
