I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
and you fell through a lawn chair
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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