she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Randomize
