come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
