Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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