At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
