I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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