Cold hands, warm shart.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
