Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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