How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
