I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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