so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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