i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
