The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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