Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The struggles of a small town man whore
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
