So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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