You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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