Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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