Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
