is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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