Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
