For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
