Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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