You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
