weddingsv make me drug and hornr
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
