A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
